It never feels good when you have to master the strength to say no to something detrimental to you, especially when you have to say no to someone of authority because you are so used to saying yes to him or her. And it may not always feel good when you receive a no from somebody else. We tend to think that ‘no’ has this negative vibe attached to it; therefore, we don’t like to hear it from others and don’t want to use it for ourselves even when necessary.
So, why is it so difficult for some of us to say no when necessary?
Well, come to think of it we spent a big chunk of our lives saying yes to almost everyone, all we’ve learned as a proper response was to say yes, we said yes to Mommy and Daddy all the time, we said yes to uncle and aunty, classmates, friends, teachers, supervisors, coworkers because that’s what we were taught. And because we are not used to saying no, we tend to forget that ‘no’ is a response that we must also learn and apply when necessary. For example, we have come to understand that depression is one of the major weapons of the enemy. However, it doesn’t attach itself to someone overnight, it’s a spirit that creeps in on an individual. Since the enemy of our soul is not stupid, he will never come up with depression first as a primary weapon because he will attempt to save the best for last; so he will use one of his sub-major weapons called “oppression/suppression”, no wonder Jesus said that He came for the oppressed and the captives in Luke 4:18 because Jesus knew that these things could affect one’s spirit and soul, which are the two major aspects of human nature; and one cannot make proper decisions without a healthy version of these two. Many think that oppression has to do with black people or a certain type of people, but according to Jesus, no one is exempt from being exposed to it.
My definition of oppression is when one finds himself in a tough situation and thinks (mind) that his only option is to stay in or to say yes to what is detrimental to him due to fear (mind) of losing something or someone valuable. I wonder if that’s why God doesn’t want us to put anything or anyone above Him. Could it be that it’s not just because He is God but also because He wants to protect our soul and spirit?
Also, we often think that when someone says no to us or when someone rejects us or mistreats us, it’s a sign that there is something wrong with us, we are not nice enough or we are less than, and that’s exactly how the enemy wants us to think because he knows if he can keep us in that mindset long enough before we know it, we’ll lose our esteem, self-worth, dignity, core values and the like because we did not realize that Satan has been trying to put a system in place in our mind, creating the perfect environment for depression and suicidal thoughts.
We have to remember that Satan is cunning and crafty, and our inability to say no is permission for him to send his people on our path to manipulate, abuse, take advantage of us, traumatize us, making us feel less than and all of these things are part of a bigger plan. Sometimes we succumb to these things thinking that we are pleasing God by being humble when God is seeing it as idolatry, people pleasing, identity confusion, and a life of bondage because the reality is we’ll never be flat enough to some even if we are flat to the ground eating dirt.
For instance, when we think about the Israelites in captivity in Egypt. Since Moses was sent to Pharaoh to ask him to let God’s people go and to reconsider his mistreatment towards them (Exodus 5:17), what did Pharaoh do? He increased the people’s suffering, making them work even harder because Pharoh didn’t think the people were flat enough.
You and I are called to help, serve, be kind, and love, but we are also children of God. That doesn’t mean we have to say no to everything, but when we start noticing a pattern of being manipulated, and abused; and when we start seeing that we are struggling to say no even at our own expense due to fear of men, connections or things we might lose, these are red flags that indicate we need to start saying no to certain things and stand our ground. Otherwise, we will lose ourselves for the sake of entertaining others or being tagged as “Good Christians” and that’s exactly how Satan will try to destroy the very thing God said about us and what He knows to be true about our identity, and that is we are His children, the children of a King.
SCRIPTURES
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9
“Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; love and faithfulness go before You.” Psalm 89:14
Leave a Reply