We often hear people say that God’s answers can be a yes, no, or not yet. And we often talk about when He says yes or not yet. When He says ‘yes’, we get excited, and when He says, ‘not yet’, we become impatient. But what about when His answer is no? I don’t remember how many times God has told me no to things that I thought would be a loud yes. In my teenage years, I didn’t really know how to process God’s no. In fact, I saw it as God punishing me for my past mistakes. I remember having a huge crush on a youth pastor at my church when I was in my 20’s. I prayed and fasted about it, and the answer was a flat-out no. God’s answer confused me. I mean, I know God wants me to be equally yoked, and the pastor seemed to be the best candidate among the other young men at the church. I love God, he loves God, and he matches all the criteria on the list. So, why would God think this is a bad idea? Another occasion was when I decided on my career in my teenage years. I’ve always thought that God wanted me to accomplish something good in life, so getting an education shouldn’t be a problem for God at all, especially since I had asked Him to put His approval on my decision. While the plan itself was not bad, it just wasn’t God’s plan, which makes all the difference. And since I had to learn my lessons the hard way, it took me forever to realize that I kept running but going nowhere. It wasn’t until I decided to seek God, spend time in His presence, and reflect on His goodness that I realized that all these things I thought I wanted were not really what I needed. I also realized that if God had allowed things to go my way, I would have been so miserable, not because these things were bad, but because they were not the best choices for who I was destined to become. Yet, another painful occasion was when God disapproved of my plans for my loved ones. I’m sure most of us, if not all of us, have dealt with situations where things didn’t go well with our loved ones as we expected. And that is when we often question God’s love. But if we are being honest, we can say that most of us have faced some struggles and spiritual warfare because of our associations with family members who refuse to follow the precepts of God that bring peace. And when we jump on the train with them, we go through the same painful cycle with them.
Personally, God had to separate me from my family tree, and the process felt like God was working against me; it really felt like torture. However, looking back, I realize that the separation was exactly what I needed to experience the very peace I was begging God for. It was tied to my willingness to obey God even when His command was contrary to what society deems normal. So, I can say that, at that point, God wasn’t so concerned about my feelings as He was about my safety and progress.
So, do we get mad at God when He says no and stop praying to punish Him?
At times, we get so familiar with God that we think we can treat Him as one of our besties. Usually, if we argue with a friend at school or at work or even with a loved one at home, we tend to pull back for a while. We don’t call, text, or walk around the house in silent treatment because we are upset. Therefore, we think we ought to treat God the same way because we think God is at the mercy of our time, prayer, attention, and validation. We forget that prayer is not something we do to help God, but it is something we do to receive from God. Some of the things we get from Him during prayer are revelation and clarity. So, when we leave God because He says no to something, we soon realize that things tend to get worse, and that is because God is our safe zone. And any place outside of His will for our lives is a dangerous zone and will only lead us to chaos and destruction.
So, how do we handle this? When God says no, should we start questioning His love or seek an alternative?
I believe most of us, if not all of us, have questioned God’s love at some point in life. And we do that mostly when things don’t make sense or when they are out of our control. And usually that’s when we start manipulating things and trying to turn a no into a yes. We use all kinds of excuses to prove to God why the answer should be a yes, or we pretend we didn’t hear from God, and say, ‘It’s the devil speaking.’ Consequently, we fall into the habit of partially obeying God, creating our own detour or distorting God’s word to soothe our hearing. It is just like when someone is a successful leader who has power and access to many things. But he must practice self-control and learn not to exercise his power in situations when he could have used it to his advantage. That is why one of the hardest times is when God tells us no to something He has also given us the ability to turn to a yes, trusting that we will respect His no. An example we have is Jesus when He was tempted in the wilderness, three times Satan asked Him to do something outside His boundaries (Matthew 4:1-11). It is not that Jesus couldn’t turn stone into bread, but Jesus had to respect His Father’s boundaries for His life.
I will always remember and never stop talking about the time God called me to surrender my life to Him, but I resisted Him because I felt like my plans were better. And I still talk about it, not because God has not forgiven me or I have not forgiven myself, but because I will not pretend that I didn’t learn any lesson from my pride. Therefore, I will tell others about it if it can help someone else avoid a pit. We often think of instances where we should have, could have, would have, and these are usually painful moments. And they are even more painful when people ponder these thoughts at their deathbed. That’s when they thought of all their worst mistakes, whether they should have listened to God when He said no, or how they could have done things God’s way. But the beauty of God’s love is that as long as someone is still breathing, it is never too late to confess, repent, and turn to Christ, even if it is before he gives his last breath. Also, we must remember that God’s goal is for us to experience an abundant life, not abundant misery. Usually, when I struggle with God’s no, I try to compare God’s outcomes with mine. So, I reflect on a previous no from God and how things could have gone if He had done it my way. I always notice that God’s outcomes are always unmatched, even if His ways never make sense at first.
I believe most of us, if not all of us, have seen certain things in our lives unfold differently from what we had in mind. And if someone is not used to God not coming through for them the way they expected Him to, I would encourage you to trust that He has your best interest at heart because He does. And if you are currently experiencing God’s no and it is hard for you to process it, I would encourage you to take some time to look back at your life. Reflect on a previous situation where God told you no or a tough season where you didn’t think you would make it. And you’ll see that God’s no was the best answer you could have gotten from Him, even if it was hard for you to accept. This strategy will help you to trust Him even more with your current situation.
In conclusion, we must remind ourselves that God intends to build a history with us. And I also believe that God doesn’t want us to forget all the miracles He has done in our lives, which have left us with no doubt of who He is. Hence, we praise and worship Him for who He is and what He’s done. I know this may sound weird to you, but God does not do miracles randomly. His miracles in our lives are intentional, which means they serve a purpose. Even Jesus had to remind His disciples of the five loaves He used to feed the 5000 and the seven loaves He used to feed the 4000, and the many basketfuls of pieces they had left in each instance (Mark 8:17-21). I believe Jesus reminded them of these miracles because He wanted them to know that they were purposeful. The purpose of these miracles is so that we all can believe that Jesus is Lord and was sent by His Father. That is why we are saved because we believe in Him. When we hear about Jesus and what He has done, it deepens our faith. And because of who we believe in, God performs miracles in our lives, and in return, we testify to strengthen someone else’s faith, just like the disciples did. So, we praise and worship God and testify about Him because we remember who He is. And when we go through the fire, or the deep waters, and even when we receive a no from God, we can resist these challenges and not be shaken because we know who He is. I used to think my testimonies were simply stories to share with others, but I’ve also realized that God has allowed me to go through or witness certain things so I can draw from my personal experience with Him when He calls me into the deep.
Always remember that God’s no is beautiful because it is an expression of His love for you!
SCRIPTURES
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My loving eye on you.” Psalm 32:8
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29
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